Counselor/Coach, Author, Lecturer
|© Copyright 2015-2020 justasklee.com and theselfesteemexpert.com All Rights Reserved.
|Wikipedia’s definition of self-esteem is as follows: In sociology and psychology, self-
esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own
worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem
encompasses beliefs about oneself, (for example, "I am competent", "I am worthy"), as
well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.
Self-esteem includes both “I” statements, such as, “I am competent” and “you”
statements, such as “you can do anything you want to do” that we tell ourselves.
I talk a lot about energy - - the personal energy of each person, both positive and
negative that I think all living things possess. The statements above appear to be
positive, the positive energy making the person who made those statements feel good
about his or her self.
The way we feel about ourselves is all about how we feel about our world. Taking the
first sentence above, “I am competent”, feel it, wallow in it. See yourself in a situation
where you are feeling the most competent you've ever felt doing whatever it is that
gives you great pleasure.
Feels good doesn’t it.
Now, let’s see how it feels to say the opposite about ourselves. “I am stupid”. Think
about that statement. See yourself as being or doing something stupid. You're in a
situation with other people, the confident people, whereby you feel really stupid. They
are on a subject you know nothing about and you wanted to make a good impression.
Now you can't. You're sure everyone there is also thinking that you are stupid. You
would love to run out of the room.
How does that feel. Pretty bad, huh?
Self-esteem is about our self-image, self-concept, and self-worth. It effects our self-
confidence, self-love, self-acceptance, and self-empowerment. How can one possibly
feel bad about one's self and have self-confidence at the same time? Not going to
Words matter. They matter because of the feelings we've attached to words. This is
true for each culture that has their own language. Because feelings matter, words
Thoughts also matter, because thoughts are words. One's belief and value system is
made up of words that describe who we are and in what we believe. One's belief and
value system is at the core of one’s self-esteem. If your core beliefs are positive, then
you will likely have good, healthy self-esteem. However, conversely, if your core beliefs
are negative, then you will see yourself and your world negatively.
It is impossible to stand on a foundation of a solid belief and value system and see
yourself in negative terms. Of course, we all go through times in our lives when things
are not going as planned and we feel down. Being let go from a job you loved, losing a
loved one, moving or making huge changes in your life are all things that can cause
you to think your self-esteem is out of kilter. PMS, and the four or five days that follow,
a breakup, and isolation can make you question your self-worth or self-image.
Those are all situational.
True self-esteem, both positive and negative, come from our core beliefs. Therefore,
we must learn about our core beliefs. That's why I will be discussing our core beliefs in
next week's article. Be thinking about that and make notes about what you may have
discovered about yourself.
Core beliefs begin to develop when we are born, and maybe sooner. They are pretty
well molded by the time we are six or seven. Think about when specific core beliefs
developed and how they made you feel then and how they make you feel today.
See you next week. (Be sure to check out the Self-Esteem Workbook.)
Stress and Anxiety
Depression vs Sadness
Empty Nest Syndrome
Loneliness vs Aloneness
Rape, Sexual Abuse
Sexual Identity Issues
Family of Origin Issues