Remember the movie, or at least the name of the song, "Love Is a Many Splendored Thing".
How true that is. To love another human being and get that love in return is probably the most
splendid of all things. But, before you go off into dream land about the person, or type of
person, with whom you want to have a splendid love affair for years to come, you need to
know a few things.
To begin with, before you can love someone else you MUST love your self. That is a fact of
nature. It is not possible to not love your self, or worse yet, hate your self, and love another
human being, because to know how to love someone else is to know how to love your self.
to love your self. If you do not love your self, it is impossible to love some else for love comes
from the inside. You may need someone else, and you may need that person very badly, but
to love, you must have love in your being, within the framework of your personality and
identity. Love toward your self. First comes I, then comes we. First I love my self, then I can
Read the last part of that sentence again. To know how to love someone else is to know how
Read the last part of that sentence again. love another. Not until!
Further more, because we tend to attract those who are more like ourselves on a
psychological level, if we don't love ourselves, we will be in relationships with partners who
also don't know how to love their self as well.
You must not confuse a display of superiority, self-importance, overbearing pride,
pretentiousness, conceitedness, and many other adjectives that describe the person who
appears to be very confident and self assured but is not. That is a false image, a facade, and
it may trick a lot of people into believing that person has it all together, but that person cannot
trick their self.
This is where you need to know that we more often than not, we choose relationship partners
who appear to be the exact opposite of our self, but they are just like us. For example, the
lower the self-esteem, the more likely we are to choose someone who appears to be as
confident and self-assured as we are not.
There's that word self-esteem again.
We generally choose partners who have the exact same level of self-esteem that we have, but
that person act its out differently. Where you may seem insecure, timid, anxious, and/or
apprehensive, your partner may seem very self-assured, self-confidence, even arrogant. But
rest assured, your partner is no more or no less confident than you are your self. That person
just has a better way of hiding it.
Often times the partner's low self-esteem comes out through such behaviors as being critical
of others, name calling, bullying or abusing others, has an inability to be there for you, lacks
emotional intimacy, cannot commit, and/or has multiple partners. This person may be lazy,
unreliable, irresponsible, depressed a lot of the time, uncaring, self-absorbed in their
problems, take on the victim role and blame others, and angers easily. Domestic violence is a
result of two people with low self-esteem.
Self-love and self-esteem go hand in hand. If you have little or no love for your self, worse yet,
you hate your self, that person you choose to be with also has low self-esteem and a lack of
self-love, no matter how much they try to convince you they do.
There is a way you can improve your thoughts and feelings toward your self, gain
self-confidence, and learn to love your self. In order to have healthy levels of self-love, you
much have healthy levels of self-esteem, and the other way around. This is not something you
can do in ten (10) days, or even 10 weeks. If you are serious about becoming the person you
always hoped and wanted to be, it takes time.
The workbook Building Self-Esteem takes you on a journey into your self, discovering who
you are, and where you go from here.
Building Self-Esteem first takes your through Barriers to Self-Esteem that keep you stuck in
low self-esteem and unable to love yourself to the fullest. Who can love their self if they feel
Once you go through the undoing or Barriers to Self-Esteem, then you start to rebuild.